Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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