Your mouth is God's brothel.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
