My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
