He is an equal opportunity slut.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
