...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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