You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
