Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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