Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
