I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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