there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
