Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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