I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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