i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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