he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
