i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
the liver wants what the liver wants
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
