Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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