Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
