i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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