We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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