so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
