I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
