I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Small penises have feelings too.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
