At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My liver just had a heart attack.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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