i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
