Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
