You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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