at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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