I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
