Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
