So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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