I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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