Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
