You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
