you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
