I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
