New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
