Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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