exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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