I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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