We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
