They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
