I'm lost and stupid without you.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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