we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
