ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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