Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
