so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
