You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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