..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
