I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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