im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
