At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
